30000 children die of poverty everyday ... I hold myself personally responsible for their death

this morning ...

More Rumbles:

My cousin in getting married ... to a younger guy ... this is good news ... she told me he almost finishing studying medicine ...
Later I knew that they are getting married cause they found out that she is pregnant ..

I was thinking to myself, "will he stay with her if she didn't have the baby? if she didn't get married?"

There was a conference about Iranian young women writers ... They were talking about unique kind of writing, by unique women ... those women, like my cousin, got pregnant without getting married ... and ... just as in my society, this thing should NEVER happen ... never ACCEPTABLE ...

They talked about a book of one of the writers ...they quoted bits of her book ... It was something like: "I had to walk up the mountain, in the desert, in the hot sun" ... she couldn't write about her problems straightly ... she had to make sure that no one knows that she got pregnant without getting married ... but still, she had to write about it ... I would expect that she would burst if she didn't ... what a significant literature ... the ability of talking about something without ever coming close to it ... amazing ..

At one point, talker in the conference, from behind his table, asked the question that was buzzing in my head: "is she going to get married if people knew that she got pregnant in this way" ... as I was leading my way out of the hall, cause I had to go to the toilet, I told them: "No, she will not get married ... the guy who is marrying her wouldn't marry her if she did not get pregnant" ..

I heard some of the comments while I was in the toilet .. then ... I woke up ...
The dream had to stop, cause I had to go realistically to toilet ... :(

to clarify,,, for health and safety issues,,, for the sake of my cousins' reputation sake ... none of the mentioned here is true .. all jsut a dream








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How I measure my life

It is my life,,, measured by “my contribution to change”

Casualties and Survivors:

Rumbles

It is not as bad to the dead ones as it is to the living ones. It is appalling to us, the living ones, cause it is inhumane, unjust. We don’t like it because we do not accept our submission to it.

I'm not worried about the dead. In fact, i am happy for them. I feel sad for the remaining ones.

WAR ...

The man of compromises – the man of grey:

Rumbles:

I’ve always called myself a man of compromises, someone who does not take either sides of the fight, always finds solutions in the middle, to have the grey as my playground. But, now, the white and the black seem so beautiful, so tempting. An urge to move from my land and let go of my compromises. .. .. I am still struggling to be in the middle .. but ...should I stay in the middle? .. the white is so beautiful, and the black is even more gorgeous .. the right is evil and the left is the right ... should I stay in the middle?? Is grey boring? Am I lonely in my greyness??

Rumbles:

The greater school of thought will have in it’s foundations all oppositions. That is, to have both opposing parties in one institution working together to develop their understanding of their oppositions. This is a major problem in politics, socialities, religion, as well as other places (), where thought is developed amongst one-sided-view people, developed and extremed, although the common ground that they share is very apparent and demanding, they keep moving apart. This is very apparent in crazy Religions these days. Same things in politics and social structures. Parties will usually tend to group and isolate themselves, and exclude opposing parties, thence never really listening or communicating with them, creating a severe sense of Otherness and alienation, etc... Hence, instead of having an integrated society, we have groupings of incommunicable binary “Other” s. (the thing that usually doesn’t happen is trying to communicate with the Other and “really” listen to them.
When they listen, are they really listening?

Intro.

This is my space where I am going to think and reflect .. and why do I need this space?? it's the trend .. people don't want to talk anymore, nor do they want to listen .. (not all of them though) .. I don't want to start being negative, cause I am negative ... I'll leave that to come later ..

I think and think .. but thoughts remain thoughts, more like dreams, they fade away ... unless recorded ... and that's what I want to try .. unpack my head here ...

Yes .. the text has to be big and bold .. cause I want to read it easily .. I want to see it there, naked and obscene, with all what I hate in it ... and after all, this is what people are scared of, and this is what I don't want to be scared of anymore ... seeing my ugliness, understanding it, and dealing with it.

Since I usually like doing things perfectly in my life, I'm not going to do this here .. or at least I will try my best not to..... I don't want to read what I wrote again .. I don't want to revise that ... things that are revised are faked and BSd ..unreal ... I don't want that here ..